For some adoptive and adoptive parents, attachment theory is a new concept, although it was first described in the 1950s. In a London hospital, psychiatrist John Bowlby and social worker James Robertson studied the effects of children children under three years separated from their mother. In the 1950s, prolonged hospitalizations and excluded parents were common practice, although it was common knowledge in the community that children, especially those under the age of three, “changed for the worse” when they returned home. Robertson stated, “An experience in the hospital has dangers of emotional trauma for the young child.” Bowlby and Robertson identified three stages for separated children: protest, despair, and denial / detachment.
- Protest – The child waits for mother to respond to his cries. When she doesn’t come, the boy is heartbroken, visibly upset, and looks for her.
- Despair – With the continued absence of the mother, the child loses hope, becomes withdrawn and calm, and becomes what Robertson called, “settled.”
- Denial / detachment – The child shows more interest in his surroundings and seems happy, which Robertson saw as a sign of danger. In reality, the child is simply making the most of the situation. Robertson noted: “When his mother comes to visit, he seems to barely know her and no longer cries when she leaves.” Once the child returns home, and if his stay was long, it seems that he does not need any kind of motherhood. Their relationships are described as shallow and distrustful.
These three stages occur to some young child separated from his mother for a period of weeks and sometimes even in a matter of days. Bowlby and Robertson were able to witness firsthand the effects of a child’s separation from his mother. Parents whose children were abandoned early did not witness their child’s separation, but they can imagine and understand their child’s trauma and fears.
Because of this early separation, foster and adopted children will have current events that trigger past experiences of loss or abandonment. Let’s look at the example of Jacob, 8 years old, adopted from Colombia at 2 years old. Jacob was taken to the orphanage several days after his birth. The orphanage was in a poor area; she had some broken toys, shared clothes, and little food for the children. Jacob’s adoptive parents Julie and Ron know that his tantrums occur when things are “taken away” and especially when he misses food as punishment. This year at school, her teacher’s behavior plan was to take the chips away from the misbehaving children. Jacob’s parents know that this will trigger his old trauma and without delay, they speak to the teacher. Fortunately, the teacher understands the importance of Jacob’s early loss and changes the classroom behavior plan. Now, children earn tokens when they care about their teacher.
Bowlby and Robertson were pioneers in identifying the three phases that lead to attachment difficulties. His work has been invaluable in understanding how to prevent attachment difficulties. Although we may not be able to prevent all children from being separated and lost prematurely, the work of Bowlby and Robertson provides a backdrop for understanding the three phases children experience when they are neglected, abandoned or lost.
1 Robertson, J. (1958) Young children in hospitals. New York .: Basic Books.