I’ve been doing quite a bit of reading lately, some professional and some personal. I recently read Don’t alienate the kids! by Bill Eddy, LCSW Esq. on the recommendation of a good friend of mine. This is the second Eddy’s book I’ve read and I like his writing style: direct but informal, he also takes responsibility for mistakes he’s made, explains terms and ideas in a way anyone can understand, and gives specific examples and Conflict resolution tips for both parents and professionals.
As a licensed clinical social worker (therapist), attorney, and mediator, Eddy has extensive knowledge and experience handling high-conflict family cases/disputes, working with families, children, adults, and couples. This particular book is aimed at both professionals and parents and the information is interchangeable for both parties.
Eddy defines and explains what alienation is, who can be alienated, many of the reasons a parent can be alienated, and how a parent (or professional) can indirectly contribute to alienation. He presents the idea of ”1,000 Little Bricks,” where a parent (or professional) can use small bricks to build a wall of alienation or “to build a foundation of resilience for his child.” A foundation of resilience, as Eddy describes, rests on three things: flexible thinking, controlled emotions, and restrained behaviors. Eddy discusses and gives examples of how to use these three foundations in a high conflict setting, whether or not the parent was alienated.
It also describes the difference between alienation and abuse in high conflict divorces/separations. Eddy goes on to discuss how friends and family members can help the situation, and how some unintentionally make the situation worse; how counselors and other professionals can help alleviate alienation; the best ways to respond to high conflict people; and how professionals (ie courts/judges) can identify and respond to high conflict cases. Everyone will take something a little different from a book, reading, article, etc. based on where they are in their personal/professional life at the time. That’s why I like to go back and reread a few books at different times in my life. It helps me to have a new perspective.
I found the sections in Emotions are contagious, all or nothing thinking, the reflection of bad behavior, and teaching resilience not only extremely informative, but also extremely applicable to my personal situation. There are things that we can always work on, all of us, no matter who we are or where we are in our lives. This reminds me of the first of AA’s 12 Steps: admit you have a problem. Hi, my name is Kristy and I have things I need to work on in my personal (and professional) life. I am by no means perfect, and I realize this. It’s time to start using these ideas and suggestions to improve my life.
Exceptional book!