Take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side, list all the positive things she has experienced while competing (whether in sports, in school, in business, in politics, etc.). These can include things like fun, excitement, challenge, camaraderie, and pride. On the right side, make a list of the negative things you’ve found about contests. These can include internal things like stress and anxiety, as well as external behaviors, like fighting, cheating, lying, etc. So ask yourself this: Why does competition sometimes lead to such positive experiences and sometimes such negative results?
Some people believe that competition goes wrong when people get carried away; when they get too competitive. Problems arise, it is said, when people want to win “whatever it takes.” There is an element of truth in these statements. Still, they are more myth than reality. And it’s a myth perpetuated by the media, like sports broadcasters, who like to praise people’s competitiveness until something ugly happens; they then blame the culprit for being too competitive.
After years of working with athletes and coaches, I’ve come to a different conclusion about the sources of the problems that too often mar competition. Here’s the key idea in a nutshell: There are two very different ways of thinking about the meaning, purpose, goal, and value of competition. Each of these two ways has its own very distinctive (and highly predictable) characteristics and consequences. One of these two ways leads to results such as excellence and enjoyment. The other will not always result in deception, antagonism, and corruption, but will nevertheless open the door to these negative results. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize that there is more than one way to think about competition. “Isn’t it just trying to beat other people?” Not really.
The first way, which we call “true competition”, is based on the original meaning of the word. Please bear with me for a moment as I get a bit academic. The term “competition” comes from Latin roots and literally means “to fight with.” It is important to note that it does not mean “to fight against”, but rather to fight with. Competition involves fighting with your opponent. In true competition, the contest allows all participants to strive toward excellence. When we are true competitors, the challenge provided by a worthy opponent and the effort we put into trying to win are valued because they help us reach the limits of our abilities. True competition is mutually beneficial to all involved. Everyone wins by pursuing excellence and experiencing the enjoyment that comes from vigorously pursuing a worthy goal. Sure, winning is more fun. But win or lose, we win.
The second form, which we call “decompetence” (short for decomposed competence), is the antithesis of the actual meaning of the word. Instead of “fighting with”, decompetition arises when we “fight against”. Competitors see the competition as a miniature war. They see their opponents as enemies. The goal is reduced to conquering others. While the gulf between “strive with” and “strive against” can be experienced in a variety of calm and subtle ways, it is still an immense chasm, as wide as it is important.
Most people exhibit both tendencies to some degree. We can vacillate between being true competitors and being non-competitors. But our failure to recognize that these are really two quite different processes, quite distinct, has limited our ability to understand when, why, and how negative behaviors occur in competition settings. Of course, in this short article, I can only hint at the profound differences between them and how to gain control over your mental processes at work. But I will conclude with an essential point.
If you’re interested in doing your best, if you’re interested in peak performance, and if you want to maintain your enthusiasm and enjoyment, then true competition is a much more reliable way to get there. There’s an old locker room mythology that “nice guys finish last,” but nothing could be further from the truth. Thinking of competition as a miniature battle promotes distracted thinking, constant lack of focus, unreliable motivation patterns, undesirable tensions, and a lack of proper impulse control. True competition is not only based on strong ethics, but results in excellent performance.