This is not the post I expected to read after today’s doctor visits. That post, in which I compare and contrast the results of my two most recent blood tests, will come a bit later. Partly because I need to work on organizing the data in a nice, readable table that can be easily updated to show my progress over time. But also because I wanted to share a different and interesting experience that happened on my way home from the doctor’s office.
Every time I go to or from my doctor’s office, I pass by a McDonald’s, not to mention, come to think of it, a Checkers, a Diary Queen, and a Krystal! Talk about running the gauntlet! (My previous doctor was located across the street from a Dunkin’ Donuts… one must wonder, what wrong did I do against a whole grain in a previous life, to have stacked the deck so high against myself this time? !? )
I passed that ‘on my way home today, without even a twinge. I even thought it was almost 1:00 pm and I hadn’t eaten yet due to the requirement to fast before my blood work.
It’s funny, and quite unusual, to feel the lack of something. But I felt the lack of that “tang” quite strongly. I was surprised, because I have a long history of not just eating fast food in the car, but rationalizing my decision to do so. Although I would sometimes drive directly to fast food places with the intention (and anticipation) of eating a favorite unhealthy meal, I would often eat there in a fit of desperation as well. And I’m not just talking about the desperation of dieting and deprivation, although I’ve felt that too, but here I’m talking about that feeling of having burned my last calorie, craving something to eat because my blood sugar is dropping, my head is starting to throb, i’m starting to get dizzy and/or cranky or whatever.
I would say that these are relatively rational and legitimate reasons for wanting to take the most convenient first meal. Even “normal” people (non-disordered eaters, if there are such things) sometimes let their hunger go on so long that they become desperate to eat. And all types of eaters are doing the right thing when they respond to their body’s need for nutrition.
What caught my eye today, though, was a memory of the ways I used to rationalize my “need” to stop by McDonald’s. Using those extreme hunger pangs, or my need to get to the next place, or to stay on schedule, etc., to tell myself that getting my “meal” or “snack” from Mickey D’s was a perfectly acceptable solution. Or, at least, a perfectly justifiable one considering the dire situation I was facing.
Today, however, I walked past that McDonald’s without even thinking about it (except the germ of this post). She had no idea what exactly she was planning to eat when she got home. I had no guarantee that a phone call, traffic jam, or other unforeseen incident would not prevent me from getting home in time to eat the food I needed. But I knew that what I needed to eat—my strong plant-based, whole food, low-oil, low-sugar, and low-soy picks—was at home, not in that drive-thru. And I knew that this was what I WANTED to eat, even though it was a few more minutes away.
What made the difference today, I wondered?
What I think is the difference is the intention. Another way to describe the intention, in this case, is the advance decision. Look, I made the decision on June 2 (25 days ago!) that I was going to eat this way. As shocking to me as it is to those who know me, I haven’t wavered on that decision (*yet, see disclaimer at bottom of this post).
Since the decision had already been made on June 2, there wasn’t really any other decision to make when I drove past that McDonald’s. At least not on this day. It was, today, just another building I passed on my way home.
Anyone who is committed to a partner, to God, to a goal, a cause, or a creature knows what I mean. We usually can’t part with things that would tempt us from our commitment, at least not completely. There will always be handsome men and pretty women walking around; there will often be opportunities to cheat, lie, or take advantage; there will be times when we want to procrastinate, take a day off, or cheat… But on a good day, we find ourselves blinded to those temptations and can walk right by.
I am happy for the good days I have! It is not like this? It’s not a perfect science or a lifetime guarantee… but I think we got it because we took the leap of faith that is the intention, the decision made beforehand.
* So here’s the caveat. As I was driving through those Golden Arches, it occurred to me that I had felt this way during the early stages of other dieting attempts as well. This kinda scares me, especially since I’m putting all of this THERE VIA this crazy new thing called the interwebs. I would like to think that my current state of strong satisfaction as a plant “feels different” and therefore “is different.” But alas, I’m afraid I also have to face reality: the 25th is impressive, but my mother is milli-milligrams ahead of the journey I hope to take. (The writers of The Big Bang Theory know the actual name of that unit of measure, but I don’t.) I intend to follow up on milestones that have tripped me up in the past. What I remember from my most recent experience with Weight Watchers is that I used it for about two months with no problem, then wavered for a few months (still trying but losing effectiveness) and then abandoned the plan (whether I admitted it to myself or No). That is not a reason enough to panic and quit, nor to predict doom and failure. Instead, my plan is to observe, celebrate, and reflect on each of my upcoming Month-versaries with this in mind. And, as always, I will keep you informed!