Genuine empathy is the ability to feel deeply in the emotional state of another human being. In short, it is the ability to put ourselves in the place of the other. We learn to be empathetic as children, based on early loving parental relationships. There are exceptions. Some people are very empathetic, despite being treated with negligence and cruelty. These extraordinary people have transformed their psychological suffering and deprivation to get in touch with that part of themselves that is capable of caring deeply for others. Being truly empathetic is one of the wonderful traits that makes us complete human beings. A life without empathy is superficial, inert, and meaningless.
The narcissist (especially high-level narcissists who are very successful in the world) is very adept
in false empathy or what can be called pseudo empathy. The socially gifted narcissist is an expert at convincing others that he cares deeply about them. “Pseudo empathy is exquisitely designed by the narcissist to manipulate others to satisfy their narcissistic needs.”
The narcissist is always mentally circling his world to find ways to replenish his narcissistic needs for money, power, flattery, praise, and even veneration. He is looking for others who fulfill his worldly goals. Look for bright, motivated people to whom you can delegate most of the work and then turn around and take the credit. In his personal life, the narcissist finds partners who enhance his image of perfection, self-entitlement, and supreme power. These individuals are emotionally tame and attracted to him.
The narcissist traps others by appealing to their narcissistic needs to be loved, cared for, to feel valuable, attractive, and powerful. When a narcissist turns on the tap of his well-practiced false empathy, the unsuspecting victim feels marked as a very special person who is appreciated and essential (often for the first time in his life).
Many followers of the narcissist never wake up. They remain selfless servants, unable to psychologically separate from him. Many of those who realize the price they are paying (giving up their own lives) make the Faustian deal and decide that the lifestyle and benefits associated with being part of the narcissist’s enchanted circle and entourage are worth it.
Those who are ready to break free from the narcissist’s pseudo empathy and the powerful pull of his promises can break free through these steps:
1. Identify what the narcissist really wants from you (24/7 availability to work non-stop, sexual favors,
kidnapping your creativity for your own venal purposes.
2. Practice positive self-talk. Be kind to yourself. Recognize that your life has its own special meaning without the narcissist.
3. Count your special gifts. Write how you will use them in this new life cycle.
4. Practice emotional independence, starting with small steps.
5. Seek solid professional help (if necessary) to break your relationship with the narcissist in your private or professional life.
6. Verbally express your appreciation for the courage, strength, and action it takes to get away from the narcissist’s false empathy, psychological traps, and tantalizing empty promises.