Lately there has been a lot of talk in the media about teens doing dangerous or harmful things. The common denominator is the shock of parents who didn’t know their child was doing whatever it was that got him into trouble.
With the breakneck speed of the 21st century that many families are going, one thing that is sacrificed is the ability of parents to see subtle changes in the behavior / attitudes of their teens. So if you are the parent of a teenager, here is your warning signs checklist. Having only one signal is an indicator of potential problems; having two signals is an indicator that trouble is very likely, and three or more signals indicate that trouble has arrived …
1. From whining to belligerence: The normal tendency to question and complain (usually in the form of a good healthy whine, like “that’s not justorrrrrr !!!”) becomes more belligerent or disrespectful (“… what do you know. ..! “)
2. Constantly dropping grades and unwillingness to do school work
3. A change of friends (for the worse …) and / or of their possessions (having things that they cannot afford with the money they have)
4. Excessive secrecy: not being communicative about everything (happy teens will need to share some things … despite themselves!)
5. Significant loss of interest in any activity outside of time with your “friends.”
6. Excessive seclusion: This is a shift from the normal need for more private time / personal space, to an uncompromising insistence on being “alone” most of the time.
7. Loss of weight or appetite: It can indicate depression and / or drug use, which in addition to being a significant problem in themselves, can also be precursors of criminal activity.
This behavior also means that a breakdown in the parent / child relationship is developing, either as the root cause or as a derivative of it. Either way, it’s up to the parents to get things back on track. These are the most frequent causes of the deterioration of the relationship between parents and children:
1. Parents are losing control, and that makes any child feel insecure: Children of any age need to feel that the adults in their lives are capable and fearless, setting limits and sticking to them, saying no and fulfilling them, establishing structure and discipline. These things may seem anathema to a teenager, but don’t buy all the fuss, deep down it makes them feel safe.
2. Parents are losing respect for their teens: And respect is a big problem at this age. If they feel that their parents are not in control, or are afraid or unwilling to do the difficult things of parenting, the credibility of the parents and, with it, the good behavior of the children.
3. Parents are losing their teens’ confidence: When teens experience pressure that they don’t know how to handle, they need to feel like they can turn to their parents for help, if they don’t trust their parents to handle the situation effectively. problem or help them find a solution (for example, they feel that their parents will become hysterical or ultra-punitive; they are afraid that their parents will lose respect for them; they know that the parents will be determined to “fix it for them” rather than help them figure it out for themselves), they will look for solutions in all the wrong places.
Finally, here are some dos and don’ts designed to help parents prevent adolescent breakdown:
What to do: Be on the lookout for everything your teen does, from what he does on the internet to what is in his room to who his friends are.
What to do: Learn how to use the latest gadgets and communication methods that your teen has been allowed to use (or can use in someone else’s home …). In the highly publicized story about the young man involved in Internet pornography, some parents interviewed later said that they don’t know much about the computer, so how can they control their teen’s behavior on the Internet? You learn, this is how; there are many inexpensive computer classes. It is no different than guiding and protecting your teen’s driving behavior; not possible if you don’t know how to do it yourself …
No: Assume that just because you are a teenager who goes to “the best schools,” there is no high-risk behavior that you are vulnerable to or exposed to. There is, he / she, so keep that in the conversation with your teen.
No: Accept the myth that refusing to allow your teen to have a computer in their bedroom, or even a telephone or television, is being “old-fashioned” or unreasonably strict. Keeping as much as possible in areas shared by the family prevents your adolescent from becoming excessively isolated (beyond what is developmentally appropriate), while giving him more opportunities to stay on top of what is going on in his life without be too intrusive.