If a man is overly concerned with his mother’s needs and most of his life revolves around her, he will be more like his father than his son. But even though he may be neglecting himself, he may believe that he is doing the right thing.
Along with this will be the people who believe that he is behaving in the right way by being there for his mother. This can relate to family and friends, and these people describe you as a selfless human being.
A very different view
However, if you’re in a relationship, chances are your partner has a very different perspective when it comes to how you behave. As far as she was concerned, he could be seen as her mother’s slave.
Also, she might be really fed up with the fact that he’s there for her mom, but he’s not really there for her or her kids, that is if they have them. Unlike those who only see one side of what is going on, she will have a more complete picture.
a great facade
If man had no need and was actually a selfless human being, his behavior would not be a problem. Also, if he were single, assuming he wasn’t, he wouldn’t need to be there for his partner either.
Then his only purpose could be to take care of his mother’s needs and there would be no reason for anyone to suffer. The point is, however, that he does have needs, and for this he will pay a price.
Other part
Also, by being there for her mother and doing so much for her, it prevents her from taking responsibility for herself. One way to describe her behavior would be to say that she is a facilitator.
The reason for this is that as long as he does things for her that she should do for herself, there will be no reason for her to change. She will be supporting her mother’s dysfunctional behavior.
It is normal
Most likely, the man has behaved this way for most of his life, so he is probably not aware of the fact that he is neglecting himself and doing too much for his mother. In order for him to realize that he is living the wrong way, he may need to experience something quite dramatic.
If he is in a relationship, his partner may gradually come to him. If not, he could suffer a break, breakdown, or some kind of loss to “wake up” from the state he’s in.
facing reality
Once he gets to the stage where he can see clearly, he may still find that a part of him doesn’t want to acknowledge what’s going on. This part of him may have a need to continue behaving in the same way.
You may find that being there for your mother is seen as the only way to survive. So drawing the line and living his own life will be the right thing to do for him, but it won’t be seen as an option.
Compulsion
So not only to survive but also to establish yourself, you can continue to behave in the same way. At this point, it may seem like his mother controls him and he doesn’t have any sense of agency.
In reality, you will be free to live your own life, but because of what is going on inside you will not be able to realize it. Ultimately, she will be in an emotionally underdeveloped and traumatized state.
a missing part
In addition to feeling out of control, you may find that you don’t have a strong need to live your own life and assert yourself. So it can be like a car that doesn’t have an engine; the power he needs to get things done won’t be there.
The fire it needs to be able to activate itself will be inside it, but it will most likely have been covered over. The fuel source that will give you this need will be his aggression or fighting instinct, and this was probably covered up during his early years.
Way back
At this stage in his life, his mother probably used him to meet some of his unmet adult and childhood needs, which would have prevented him from receiving what he needed to grow and develop. He would have lost contact with his false self and been forced to create a false self.
Every time he tried to assert himself and expressed his need to separate from her, he was probably punished, disapproved of, and/or abandoned. This would have made him believe that expressing himself was wrong and that his life would come to an end, and he would have been forced to disconnect from this part of his being.
The result
The energy within him can be seen as part of his masculine aspect and is what will allow him to act as an individual. Since this part of him has been split off and covered by trauma, and is not in touch with his true self, it is to be expected that he will not be able to activate himself.
You will need to reconnect with your needs and feelings and your inner fire, by doing this you will know what you need to do and have the power you need to set things in motion. This is something that will require patience and persistence as it will not happen overnight.
Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.