Understandably, many wives faced with the overwhelming reality of an affair want their husbands out of sight immediately. They don’t want to look at it. They don’t want to hear his excuses. They just don’t want him anywhere near his personal space, so they ask him to leave. In the days after this, many husbands will desperately try to call or come, but many wives will reject these proposals. Some people might call this an overreaction, but if you’ve ever dealt with cheating, you probably understand.
A wife might say, “I know this is a total stereotype, but when I found out about my husband’s cheating, I threw his belongings out of the house and refused to let him in. I told him I didn’t care.” except where he was going, the next day he called me, I didn’t answer, he kept calling so I picked up and told him that he was wasting his time and that I had nothing to say to him “As the days passed, he began to come to my office in a attempt to talk to me. I had my staff tell you I was busy. In short, I have frustrated every attempt you have made to speak or communicate with me. You had nothing to say. None of your excuses were going to make any difference. You have “I’ve been aware for a long time that infidelity is a deal breaker for me and I’ve always been very adamant about that. I’m not going to back down now. So I haven’t talked to him in weeks. One of our mutual friends ran into with my husband in a bar. The friend said my husband was careless and a mess. My husband mentioned that his father was in the hospital with a stroke. My heart sinks because now I feel like that might have been what my husband was trying to communicate when I refused to see him. I am close to my husband’s sister, although I have not spoken to her either. Now, my heart aches for both my husband and my sister-in-law. I wouldn’t mind supporting both of you, but I do worry that my husband may get mixed signals with this. I still care about my husband and want to be there for his family. But I still don’t want my marriage right now. I now realize that I was wrong to abruptly cut him out of my life. But at the same time, I have no idea what kind of relationship I can offer him in the future. I’m still very angry, but I still feel like we’re family to some degree. And I know that if anything happened to my parents, he would be there for me. How do I let him know that I’m willing to be there for him without committing to our marriage?”
I think it’s admirable that you care this way. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with calling your husband and saying something like, “I heard about your dad and I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do for you or your sister? I’m here if you want.” want to talk.” And then let him take it from there. .
You can certainly listen if he wants to talk and help with anything he and your sister-in-law might need. It’s natural to want to be there for someone who has been your family for so long. Even if you’re mad at him for his mistake, there’s no denying what you’ve been to each other for many years.
I think at this point, all you can do is walk up to him and see how he responds. Since he’s been trying very hard to communicate with you, I can’t imagine he won’t be receptive. If he starts putting pressure on your marriage, you can always say, “My focus right now is being there for your dad and sister. This is not the time to focus on our marriage. I want to support you and your family right now.” “. I don’t want to talk or make any decisions about our marriage. Let’s focus on your father.”
Just take things one step at a time. You may feel now that cutting him out of your life was dramatic, but many people have the exact same reaction. An affair is a great betrayal. Most people have a reaction that is also huge. Getting closer to your husband can help both of you calm down a bit. And it doesn’t have to mean that you’ve forgiven him or that you want to get back together. It can simply mean that he was very important to you for many years, and because of that relationship, you want to be there for him right now. There is nothing wrong in it. One mistake does not erase your history and there is nothing wrong with respecting that history.