What IS character? The basic dictionary definition is “A collective, combined, or cumulative set of characteristics and traits that form the apparent nature of an individual (person).” So we can ask, “What is the nature of God? Or, what makes him who he is?” Based on the true character of God, how should we view him in light of an abusive marriage? What will God’s character say about staying or going? Much of this can be determined by looking at the history of how God (in the Old Testament) and Jesus (in the New Testament) dealt with people. We see some of these answers in the Bible. We see how we should treat one another, as well as how Jesus himself treated those around him. In the Bible, we learn by example. We see the good, the bad, and the ugly in Scripture. We see people being people, and we see how they are victorious or suffer because of their actions. Through all of this, we get a clear picture of God’s character and how His love for humanity never fails.
Let’s start with some basics: (Simple studies of Word will reveal plenty of scripture to support this list)
- God says he is our father
- God refers to the church (us) as His “bride,” so He is also like a husband to us.
- God never changes
- God doesn’t lie
- God is not a “person respect”
- God is love
- God keeps his promises
- God is fair
- God forgives and expects us to forgive others as He forgives us.
What is a father figure?
The first obstacle to overcome is how we truly think about God. Reflect for a moment on your own father. If you have a good parent, it will exhibit many of the same attributes listed above. Unfortunately, in today’s society, the family structure is so damaged that few of us really see what a good father looks like. Imagine what your father would be like if he exhibited all of the above traits in God’s character.
Imagine that your father only says good things about you… Imagine that he doesn’t lie to you… Imagine that he always keeps his promises… Imagine that he doesn’t put one person above another and treats all members of the family equally (and others outside the family too)… Can you imagine your dad loving you unconditionally, despite your actions? Now, this may all sound pretty far fetched, but at least you’ll have an idea of what an ideal human parent would look like. God is ALL of this!
Let’s say you go to your dad and tell him that your boyfriend or husband is abusing you. (How many of us would really share this with a parent?) Assuming your father is not an abuser and treats you with love and respect, how would you respond? Do you think God would respond differently? Now, let’s say you’ve been in counseling and so has your abuser. After months, or even years of counseling, there is no change. The abuser (in this case, a husband) does not see your problem. Nothing you, a pastor, or a counselor says will help him understand the extent of his behavior.
Or worse yet, even if the abuser sees the problem, what if he doesn’t want to (or can’t seem to) change? What would your dad tell you about that? How would he react if he saw you beaten mentally or even physically? What if your personality has changed as a result? What if you were sick and unhealthy because of the relationship? He has tried separation and it hasn’t worked, so what does he do? I’m sure your father would have some opinions on this! Some may add a few swear words to the conversation. Most parents love their children and want the best for them, so your dad would give you advice that he hopes will lead you to fulfillment. Why would his Father God do anything different?
If you have one of those parents who is abusive, my example will not make sense to you. Instead, think about what the perfect father figure would look like to you. Imagine all that God is: He is loving, He is patient, He is kind, He does not judge, He listens to you, He loves you despite what you have done. The list could go on. With your imagination running, THIS is the kind of father figure your earthly father could be, and who IS your heavenly father!
A look at part II… We are made in the image of God, both male and female. Men are not given the right to “lord it over” their wives because we are created equal.