5 common myths about wedding mediators
Weddings are wonderful, but families and friends can make the planning experience hell on wheels. That’s why I decided to share my talents as a conflict expert with brides who want the planning to be as fun as the wedding. Recently, I came across an article on the web suggesting that premarital counseling is a better alternative to marriage mediation. Of course, the writer is entitled to give his opinion, but I wanted to clear up some misunderstandings about what mediation is and how it can really benefit you.
Answers to common myths
It is the day of the bride. She can do whatever she wants and everyone must agree.
Let’s start with the biggest myth. Yes, as a bride your wedding day is all yours. You have found someone special with whom to share your future. However, you are not the only one who is excited, has long-awaited expectations, and is emotionally invested in the development of the event. Your family, especially your parents, have waited even longer for this day. People who have loved and supported you have needs and wants that need to be acknowledged, even if you can’t (or won’t) honor their wants. You can’t just say ‘that’s hard’ and then expect your relationships to not change as a result.
A wedding mediator can guide you in finding a good way of listening and responding that respects others and still meets your own goals. A premarital therapist could help you deal with your emotions about your mom wanting you to wear her dress or your grandpa wanting to invite all of her drinking buddies. But will you be skilled enough to guide him to find the exact words to explain or how to negotiate a solution? Probably not.
Using a mediator implies that you are not capable of handling things on your own.
Everyone is into DIY these days, which is great. But, doing it yourself comes with its own set of challenges. Let me ask you this: if you wanted to dance a beautiful tango as your first dance, wouldn’t you go to a dance instructor to learn how? A wedding mediator is an expert who can teach you how to talk so that someone else will listen and hopefully do what you ask. invest an hour learning to communicate better will definitely help you deal with family and friends more easily. And the advantage is that you will also be prepared to handle your husband.
A wedding is a family event, not a business that requires someone to compromise.
In reality, every relationship is based on an agreement that is like a social contract. You agree to behave in a certain way with your parents, and maybe in a different way with your fiancé, and in a different way with your friends. While you probably didn’t sit down to discuss it directly, these personal agreements have rules, limits, and consequences. And there’s a lot of negotiation and compromise (think about the last time you made plans to go out to dinner). A mediator can introduce you to different engagement and collaboration tools and strategies that will make planning your wedding (and her life) less stressful and happier.
This is not something for strangers.
Some people say that it is better not to air dirty clothes. And if you feel that way, mediation may not be for you. However, a wedding mediator is trained to create a safe and neutral space for you to confidentially share your thoughts and concerns without judgment or agenda. The focus is on you and finding a holistic solution.
it’s just another expense
Yes, a wedding is definitely an expensive project with lots of little expenses that really add up. It is natural to want to save money. You just don’t want to be ‘pound-wise and penny-dumb’ about it. The hour spent with a wedding mediator is one of your best savings in terms of stress, hassle, and worry. Consider these intangible costs:
- Sleepless nights worrying about the budget
- You fight with your mother over the size of the guest list.
- Anxiety to negotiate with suppliers
- Worrying about friends and family
In dollars and cents, you’ll probably spend more on your shoes or lingerie than on the services of a good wedding mediator, ranging from under $100 to as high as $500. What you receive is priceless: a stress-free wedding you’ll remember for a lifetime. life.
Try marriage mediation
Wedding mediation is a bit like Twitter. First, no one knew what it was; then, people thought it was unnecessary. Now, people everywhere have embraced it. Savvy brides who want to enjoy both planning and enjoying their wedding day will try and benefit from wedding counselling. What do you have to lose except the drama?