Family junction. Festive gatherings. Turkey, pies, tarts. Laughter. jokes Untold and retold stories. Shared memories. Travel plans. Smiles and laughter of children. Films. Tourism. Funny activities. Shopping.
All of the above still happens during this time of year, but you don’t have the bond that made it all so joyous. This year you feel like your costume screams “lone ranger” as other family members and friends carry on the Thanksgiving tradition. You, the outcast, can feel alone and even invisible. Have all these happy people forgotten about your loss? Does it matter to them that you are afflicted by the empty and lonely emotions of loss? Do they even care? Why is no one mentioning the name of their deceased loved one? Does anyone see that your happy smile that used to be is now upside down?
Life has robbed you of your hopes and dreams of a happy Thanksgiving and an upcoming holiday season. What are you doing now to move on? Keep in mind that these feelings are normal and natural responses to loss, especially if this is the first holiday season without your loved one. You may experience mixed emotions and mixed feelings. Should I attend the traditional family reunion or stay home? Should I attend the family reunion or take a trip abroad? Should I attend the family reunion or start my own new tradition? Whatever you decide, feel good about your decision. Do as much or as little as you feel comfortable and let others know what your plans are, if necessary.
Here’s a training exercise that could help you get through this upcoming Thanksgiving and holiday season.
1. List ten gifts (non-monetary) that you have received from your loved one, i.e. unconditional love, lessons learned, values instilled, etc.
2. Choose one (or more) from this list and decide how you can improve someone else’s life. Don’t make this difficult. Keep it simple.
3. Now, what about your personal talents, abilities, and skills? How will your story, your legacy, be written? You lived? You loved? Did you matter? Did you give him? Take time this Thanksgiving to honor him, appreciate him, and thank him! Your life matters and counts.
4. It’s time to write a diary. Write the results of this exercise in a journal and end your entry with a thank you note or letter to yourself.
I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and a festive season of giving and sharing love and gratitude.
Find a free online course, Five Pitfalls of Grief, at http://www.doracarpenteracademy.com.