Our selection of partners is a process in stages. First is awareness of the attractive appearance and / or personality of others; discovery of similarities; then a state of emotional arousal; and finally, the revelation of deeper psychological needs.
Recognizing the SEVEN aspects of a toxic relationship pattern can help you see what’s going on in your life and come out of the ongoing frustration, pain, and sadness faster.
1. Repeatability
He has been involved in more than one relationship that initially offered the conditions of hope but did not live up to its fulfillment. People may be different, but the beginnings and ends are the same over and over again.
2. A conflict
No matter how good the feelings are initially, deep down, you knew and felt that there was something in the relationship that made you feel uncomfortable or left you feeling anxious, insecure, worried, jealous, distraught, etc.
3. A bodily sensation
You experience an uncomfortable but familiar biological response that is triggered by something the other person said or did. For example, your anxiety level jumps ten points, a sudden knot in your stomach, or a pain in your forehead.
4. A feeling of deep loss
When a relationship ends, you are left with a sense of loss of something (or rather the hope of something). You experience the void where you once felt a ‘real’ connection, no matter how permeated with uncertainty, shame, humiliation, pain or suffering the relationship was.
5. Obsessive
You have thought about it or do you really believe that the other’s rejection response is due to your own words or actions pushing them away, but you still have the idea that somehow you can transform the other person into the loving person who accepts that you are so desperately. and obsessively searching.
6. An underlying vulnerability
Your sense of your own self-worth is threatened; And you feel bad in the sense that as much as you have functioned as a resource to others and done well when you maximize the use of good coping and conflict resolution skills, you feel overwhelmed and very vulnerable.
7. Parts of oneself repudiated
Beneath the surface, there are deep roots from which your body patterns have grown. These fingerprints are like the fuel that intensifies the negative bonding pattern.
Understanding your deepest psychological needs removes some of the mystery of the force that carries you into the arms of one person, while taking you away from another that might seem equally desirable to any unbiased observer. It’s really possible to break out of a toxic relationship pattern and start enjoying healthy, happy, and fulfilling long-term relationships.