Being a parent is hard, but being a stepparent can be. You are not the teen’s mom or dad; they will remind you of that fact every chance they get. Your stepson or stepdaughter will test your limits as well as your patience. Try not to take it personally. This does not mean that you should accept any abuse from them, but rather see the situation from their point of view. Their world has been turned upside down, and they don’t know how to deal with it. Add to that the hormones coursing through your body and you have a recipe for a hostile home environment. Take a deep breath and follow the steps below to manage your teenage stepson. You will get over it, take it one day at a time.
5 ways to handle your teenage stepson
You can’t replace his mom or dad.. Remember, you are not the mom or dad of your stepson or stepson. They will remind you of this day after day. Acknowledge that you know you can’t replace their mom or dad. You are there as another adult who will be there for them no matter what. Reassure them that all you want to do is have a loving relationship with them. Let them know that they can count on you, but that you are not easy to convince. You will not reject if they are minors who use drugs or drink. Whether you like it or not, you are there to stay.
Be a caring and kind authority figure.. Some step-parents like to be a ‘friend’, but this doesn’t always work. You want to be a caring adult who will do the right thing, like tell your spouse or partner if your stepson or stepson is doing something inappropriate, like drinking and driving or doing drugs. If the situation were the other way around, you would want your spouse/partner to tell you if your son or daughter was using drugs, right? Be loving, firm and fair. Being a ‘soft’ is not an option. Your stepson will walk all over you if she allows it and create a ‘rocky’ home environment.
Set ground rules before you move into the house. It is important that her stepson knows the house rules before moving into the house and becoming the ‘new’ man or woman of the house. Everyone needs to be on the same page and know what to expect. There should be no surprises.
Set limits. It’s up to you and your new husband, wife, or partner to set the limits. Implement consequences when necessary and stick to them. There is no reason a teenager should get away with it because there is a change in the home. Boundaries are set for a reason and should not be crossed.
Make sure you are on the same page as your spouse/partner. You and your spouse or partner need to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. As a new step-parent, you need to know if you can ‘parent’ your stepson or stepson. It is imperative to discuss this with your new husband, wife, or partner before you move into the house. If you go into your new home life not knowing where you stand, then it will not be a hospitable situation.
If your stepchild’s or daughter’s mom or dad has passed away, they will need you to be the next best thing. You can’t replace their mom or dad, but you can be a kind and loving adult who will provide guidance and words of wisdom. Being a stepparent doesn’t have to be a battle.
Managing a stepson or stepson can be tricky. You are not their ‘mom or dad’ and you could go through a lot of trials. Remember it’s not about you, it’s about the situation. Hopefully, your new husband, wife, or partner will have explained to you why she is remarrying. Communication is very important when it comes to a new marriage. You can assure your stepson or stepson that you are not and cannot replace their mom or dad. You are just another adult who is more than happy to provide your love and guidance. Set the ground rules before you move into the house and everything will work out.