Excited, anxious, nervous and overwhelmed are just some of the feelings I had when I published my first blog.
Those who know me would say this is “normal” for the very hyperactive Ponn. I openly and proudly refer to “Psycho Ponn” often. It’s a good thing, most of the time.
As I reflect on what I consider to be the best and worst years of my life, I pray that no one has to endure the physical and emotional pain I experienced (and continue to experience) due to a freak accident. On the other hand, I am ready to share the joy, peace and inner love, what I call my feminine empowerment, with the whole world.
On July 10, 2004 I was innocently pulling into traffic with the permission of my green light. A desperate mother who was late for her daughter’s Chuck E Cheese party was running straight at me. All I can remember is catching a glimpse of her eyes. Then, in milliseconds, the faces of my husband and 3 girls (then 4, 3 and 1 years old) appeared before me.
Surprisingly, I opened my eyes to life.
I think this accident was a divine act of God because I don’t remember pushing the gas harder to bring me to life. My car was wrecked.
Like a typical mom, she was overworked, too tired, too busy, too busy. I put everyone (especially my family and work) ahead of my own health and well-being. He never got a good night’s sleep and rarely had a hot meal because he was always running around trying to please everyone and make everything perfect.
I was a perfectionist in the worst way. I discovered that the pressures never came from my family or work… it all came from Me! I built images of what was considered perfect.
During the three months that I couldn’t cook, clean, do laundry or drive, my family and my job lived perfectly, just fine without me. Of course, everyone made sacrifices, but no one died or came close to doing so. Actually, the life I was living was killing me.
Thank God for this accident.
Why do we as women do this to ourselves? Why do we feel guilty when we put our own happiness and well-being before our children and spouses? Hint: We do it to ourselves. And it’s time to stop!
I realized that peace came into our home when I was lying in bed day after day. I noticed happiness fill the air when his mom was finally able to laugh and hug again.
Women have an amazing ability to create the atmosphere around them, so it’s time to live a happy and healthy life with them too.
Humbled by this great gift of life, I find it ironic that I am reflecting on the meaning of my own birth name: Ponn = God’s gift (of life).
May we, as women, always praise God for the gift of our lives. We must stop the abuse and take time to take care of our own lives now.
PS To the Psycho-Mam that hit me, I’m thankful for all these lessons I’ve learned. I pray that you also won with this accident.
(c) 2005 Ponn M. Sabra, MPH