Your 5 times a week gymnastic ritual in the bedroom has been reduced to a once a month fumble with the lights off. Where did it all start to go wrong? Can it be good? All relationships need a little shot of spice to keep the fire burning. Our sex position suggestions are much more modern than the Kama Sutra and you can bet you haven’t tried them all before.
SUDOKU STYLE: Do positions 1 to 9 of the Kama Sutra without duplicating any number in its box.
ENGLAND STYLE: Cover your face with the Union Jack and think of England.
PAINTBALL STYLE: From a distance, using the weapon of your choice, shoot random drops at it.
BLACK WIDOW STYLE: Very funny but someone dies.
THE MCDONALD STYLE: Shout “I love it” as you explore her McFlurry.
STYLE GARDENERS: Plant your seed and watch its belly grow.
SAS STYLE: Hide naked in a bush and catch her off guard.
CONTORTIONIST STYLE: Get as much of yourself as you can in his box.
VIRGIN STYLE: Stick 2 ice cream cones on your breasts and act like a virgin.
MATRIX STYLE: Simultaneously jump into the air and try to mate while in the air. Best done in slow motion.
HELICOPTER STYLE: Paint the letter H around your girly parts and watch your helicopter land.
DOUBLE BAGS STYLE: Put a bag on her head and a bag on her head in case hers falls off. Ideal for women pulled while wearing beer glasses.
DOGGY STYLE: Grab her leg and rub it up and down until you reach orgasm. It’s better to try it while she’s asleep.
FAT WOMAN STYLE: Roll it in flour and look for the wet part.
SUNBURN STYLE: Only the genitals can be touched.
FABRIC STYLE: In, over, through and out.
HOKEY COKEY STYLE: In, out, in, out, then shake it all out.
HEALTH AND SAFETY STYLE: Both put on safety glasses, light jackets and gloves and try to enter without injuring themselves or fogging the glasses.
STYLE TRAMPOLINE: Bounce alternately. He lands first in the sitting position and the woman lands on top with the aim of penetration.
STYLE UNDER TRAMPOLINE: Generally follows after the previous position fails.
ARMY STYLE: Have him clean your gun using only his tongue and an electric toothbrush.
PIÑATA STYLE: Make them hang from a tree while you poke them.
SAFE SEX STYLE: They both lie there, not touching each other and just thinking about what they might be doing if they weren’t so safety conscious.
STAR WARS STYLE: Launch a surprise attack from behind.
DAVID BLUNKETT STYLE: Bring your dog.
JAIL STYLE: Throw soap in the shower and put a washcloth in his mouth.
007 STYLE: Choose your wife wisely, since tomorrow she will be dead.
ESSEX GIRL STYLE: Have the woman wear white stilettos and say “you can see my kebab”.
COMPANION STYLE: Kissing is not allowed, however, licking and touching each other’s private body parts is absolutely fine.
DIY STYLE: Usually carried out alone.
FRIENDS GATHERED IN STYLE: Do it with old friends and then don’t see them again for ten years.
DIETING STYLE: Everything looks and feels normal but it doesn’t taste as sweet.
AMERICAN STYLE: Do it while eating hamburgers.
DELIVERY DRIVER STYLE: You wait patiently all day but it still hasn’t arrived.
BANKING STYLE: Low interest means probable withdrawal.
STYLE DRIVERS: After 10 minutes of huffing and puffing, he says “are we there yet?”.
BARBIE AND KEN STYLE: Try to have sex without bending your arms or legs.
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE STYLE: Suspend yourself from the ceiling with a wire and try to have sex without waking her up.
ALIEN-STYLE: Use your probe.
NINJA STYLE: She will never know you were there. Useful if you wouldn’t even touch the sides.