“I can’t believe he asked me when I stopped hitting my wife. I never hit my wife; I love her too much to do that! Those were the dejected words uttered by a man in the middle of a divorce proceeding to the question posed by his next ex-wife’s lawyer.
Do you know how and why the preparatory questions are designed to motivate you to a particular thought or action? In negotiations, you should be alert to setup questions.
A preparatory question (for example, most people would be horrified if that happened to them, right?) Is used to position someone’s response as a measure against what others consider normal; It can also be used to alter an individual’s thought process.
The challenge for the responder is that if he responds against the norm, he appears to be outside of that norm. That makes it look abnormal. That is a position that most people try to avoid, especially when exposed to others. The perception of abnormality can position someone as, not like the rest of us, which can place that person in an apprehensive position. It is another way of applying a feeling of not being seen, but feeling an influence on it.
When this tactic is used to alter someone’s thought process, it can be even more devastating, due to the attack on that person’s mental psyche. Therefore, it can also be used to take someone off the offense and onto the defensive.
This tactic becomes more onerous for the recipient of this tactic when used by someone who is an aggressive or intimidating negotiator. The reason is that when you are faced with an aggressive negotiator, chances are that you are already experiencing a heightened sense of anxiety. That may simply be in the way of being more aware of your trading environment. The point is that you are not relaxed, you are nervous. That will prevent your normal thought process from occurring, which could lead to wrong decisions.
To count, in all your negotiations, keep in mind that setup questions can be asked at different times and for multiple purposes. They can be used:
- For the purpose of altering your mental state. Once your mental state is altered, you may be more susceptible to falling into a defense that simply keeps you away from the offense.
- For positioning purposes, a setup question can be used to get them to see you in an unflattering way, in order to marginalize others’ perception of you and prevent them from empathizing with your point or position.
- To alter one’s mind, these questions can also be used in an attempt to make you forget, defuse, or confuse the point you were trying to make.
The more aware you are of the possibility of preparatory questions being used in your negotiations and how they might be used, the better prepared you will be to defend against them. Doing so will give you an advantage in the negotiation … and all will go well with the world.
Remember, you are always negotiating!
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