What a man may find, if he steps back and reflects, is that he doesn’t have a very positive view of himself. For much of his life, this may have been something that went unnoticed, so to speak.
Consequently, his view of himself would have been simply as he was and he would not have questioned it. Now, however, a part of him will know that the way he sees himself is not fixed and that it can change.
When it comes to how you view yourself, you might find that you hold some, if not all, of the following views:
• That he is incapable
• That it has no value
• What is an idiot?
• That he is unworthy of respect
• That he deserves to be humiliated
Regardless of whether you can relate to all of these or just some of them, as well as others, it’s clear that you won’t be your best friend. In fact, he will be his worst enemy, and this will hold him back in life and prevent him from reaching his potential.
looking for evidence
Because of how you see yourself, you will both consciously and subconsciously be looking for evidence to support what you believe. This means that his ego-mind will block out anything that discredits what he believes.
What this illustrates is that your life will reflect what you believe and it won’t matter if there is any truth to what you believe. By noticing how your outer world reflects your inner world, you’ll see why your life is the way it is.
When you get to your everyday life, you may find that you are often treated badly and treated as worthless. He could often be laughed at and seen as a joke.
If you ever feel valuable, appreciated, and respected, it will be something you rarely experience. There could be one area of your life where you are treated this way, but it could be very different when it comes to almost any other area.
Why is this?
At this point it may seem strange why you see yourself this way; especially if this vision does not match what it really is. There could be a number of reasons why this is so.
One of the reasons for this is that his father may have been viewed the same way as well. During his early years, she would have identified with his father and this would have been an important part of allowing him to form an identity.
It would not have been possible for him to choose certain traits and avoid others; he would have automatically assumed everything. This is not to say that his father completely agreed with the way the people around him viewed him, but rather that he largely tolerated it and did not assert himself.
Perhaps your mother, along with other family members, routinely humiliated and mocked your father. If this was so, it was probably due to the fact that her mother had unresolved issues with her own mother and father.
Subconsciously, then, her mother would have seen her father as the parent(s) who hurt her when she was growing up. Another part of this is that she may also have unconsciously chosen a man whom she could control and dominate, causing her to go from victim to perpetrator.
Therefore, someone she could humiliate in the same and/or similar way that she was humiliated very soon. Most likely, her mother was completely oblivious to the effect her behavior was having on her son’s father or her son.
destined to suffer
So if his father simply accepted what was happening and didn’t draw the line, he would have indirectly been sending a series of limiting messages to his son. This would have been a time when he had no way of filtering these messages and choosing which parts he would keep and which parts he would ignore, even if he felt something was not right deep down.
Ultimately, his father would have provided him with the first model of what a man is like. What was happening externally would have gradually internalized, preparing him to have an experience very similar to his father’s over time.
The truth is, he’s not his father, so even though he’s taken a lot that belonged to him and expects to be treated like him, it doesn’t have to stay that way. In order for him to take his own power and for his life to be an expression of his true self, he will need to separate mentally and emotionally from his father.
He needed his father early on to give him an identity, but now that he’s an adult, he can define himself. This will involve questioning what he believes and working through his emotional wounds.
If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.