I know this role very well. That, with the missing child is one of the roles I played. So I didn’t really have to google it. According to Claudia Black, PhD, the placater typically demonstrates the following strengths:
The appeaser is warm, compassionate, empathetic, a good listener, sensitive to others, generous, and has a nice smile.
1. Loving, Compassionate: I was the designated family caregiver, caring for my mother during her last illness and acting as temporary caregiver for one aunt and proxy for another. Beyond that, I also became the guardian of everyone’s feelings except my own. As an adult, the ability to analyze everyone’s behavior and feelings was almost elevated to an art form.
2, Empath: The appeaser becomes the repository of everyone’s hurt feelings. In life, this can be beneficial. I wonder how many mental health professionals come from this kind of background?
3. Good listener: I was once in a support group at the church I was attending at the time. During the last meeting, we all talked about our strengths. Mine was the role of listener. How I hated that! Why couldn’t I put down that role just once!
4. Sensitive To Others: Being sensitive to others can be a mixed bag. Sometimes, losing sensitivity towards others in ourselves can mean losing contact with our own feelings, goals and desires in life.
5. Giving: Church committees and volunteer services probably abounded with appeasers whose greatest desire is to serve.
6. She has a cute smile: Since our main goal in life is to be kind, that cute smile can become almost a permanent fixture.
Claudia Black defines pleasure deficits as:
1. Inability to receive: Inability to receive, denial of personal needs, high tolerance for inappropriate behavior, strong fear of anger or conflict, false guilt, anxious.
We get so used to giving that we have a hard time being on the receiving end.
2. Denies personal needs: We become so adept at meeting the needs of others that we can’t identify our own, let alone try to meet them.
3. High tolerance for inappropriate behavior. We may be attracted to and tolerate unusual behavior from others.
4. Strong fear of anger or conflict: I have memories of being terrified of anger expressed by family or friends. I felt like the world would collapse if someone was mad at me.
5. False guilt: placaters will invent something to feel guilty about if there is nothing to blame.
7. Anxious: This can manifest itself in dozens of ways, from fear of heights to fear of bridges to social phobias to fear of going crazy.