I often hear from wives who hope that one day their husband will regret leaving them. Often these same wives will tell their husbands that leaving is a mistake they will one day regret. And often the husband doesn’t believe this for a second, or any doubts he may have overrides his need to go away and just see what happens.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part, “My husband has decided that he will be happier as a single man without the daily responsibilities of a wife and family. I think he has this romantic version of a weekend dad in his head.” I’ve told him repeatedly that he’s making a big mistake that he’ll regret one day, but he doesn’t listen at all. A mutual friend thinks he might be wrong. She says he might think he’s having the best of both worlds: weekends with your kids, but freedom, peace and quiet during the week. I disagree because I can’t imagine just turning your back on your family and then being happy with yourself afterwards. So who? Is that correct? Do men regret leaving their wives? Or do they walk away and never look back with any regret?
The answer to these questions depends on many variables. But yes, some men end up regretting leaving their wives once they’ve had some time apart and a chance to reflect. Whether or not they regret it (and how deeply they feel it) often depends on why they left in the first place, what happens after they leave, and what kind of person they are in the first place. I will discuss more about this matter in the next article.
The reasons a man has for leaving in the first place will often influence whether he ultimately regrets leaving: Men who leave their wives for other women often end up feeling regretful once they realize that the other woman or the relationship turned out to be a telling disappointment. The whole process and the feeling of discovery can take some time, but it is very common for regret to finally occur.
Many men have regrets after realizing they left a woman they misjudged. Or, they might decide later that they acted too quickly. Sometimes they later look back with some honesty and decide that they were immature and made their own mistakes and therefore it wasn’t fair that they blame you.
I’ve even had men say (with much regret) that they made the biggest mistake of their lives by leaving the one person who loved them unconditionally and who understood them like no one else. And sometimes it’s too late to fix this because that wonderful woman chose not to wait forever and some other man could see very clearly what her husband was missing all along.
Of course, while some husbands feel varying degrees of regret, some men don’t. Some men will tell you that escaping their marital prison was the best thing they ever did. They will tell you that they were dying inside every day that they were desperately unhappy within their marriage or that they lived for someone else. So what is the difference between the husband who is filled with regret and the man who feels nothing? Part of this is the personality and makeup of the husband combined with the circumstances of future events that unfold. And you can’t control this. But a good deal is also made up of your future interactions and perceptions of you, which you can certainly control.
How to act when you are trying to make your husband regret leaving you: I often hear of wives hoping to make their husband feel some regret. The first thing she will need to understand is that she will often be more successful with this process if she understands that it will only take some time. Feeling genuine regret often requires perspective. And it takes time for a genuine perspective. There is simply no way around that.
The next thing to understand is that regret fueled by grief or guilt is often not that genuine. It’s often the kind of regret that makes you want to stay away rather than the kind of regret that makes you want to come back. So while it might not be that hard for you to make him feel guilt or pity, and then feel some regret, this guy isn’t the guy you want because it’s more likely to make him want to stay away, which is not your goal.
Instead, what he wants is genuine regret that comes from realizing that he was wrong. He needs to believe that his doubts about you or the relationship were wrong at the time or no longer exist today. So how do you inspire this kind of change? You show a woman who respects herself, who is loving but self-sufficient. You show him the genuine side of yourself that is easy to relate to and collaborate with. In other words, you don’t want him to see the married woman he’s always fought with or just couldn’t make it work with.
Instead, you want him to see the woman he courted and never wanted to be without. I would understand if you have any questions about this process. After all, none of us have the ability to turn back the clock and pretend our mistakes and misunderstandings never happened. But today is a new day. You can simply acknowledge those same mistakes and your new set of circumstances and start over, or you can try to pick up the pieces or rewrite history from the past. In my experience, you’ll often get better results if you focus on the positive in the present because it allows your husband to want to spend more time with you without worrying that you’re trying to dig up the past or point out his misgivings People are naturally attracted to others people who make them feel better about themselves and their own situations.
So while you don’t have to pretend to be happy that he left you, acting on this unhappiness by trying to provoke negative feelings that fuel regret will often only reinforce your decision to leave. Instead, he wants to provide you with positive memories and experiences that make you question your decision to leave.