One of the hardest parts of parenting is discipline. I am ashamed of some of the harsh and abusive discipline techniques that some parents use. With a lot of time and effort, I have created a toolbox of gentler disciplinary techniques. I pick and choose the tool that works best at the moment and I live to use it with fairness, kindness and respect. The goal of discipline is to teach children positive behavior and personal responsibility. While I am still learning and adding tools to my toolbox, I have put together twenty tools that may also be helpful to you.
1. Be realistic. Educate yourself on what is realistic behavior at each stage of development. For example, it is realistic to expect that preschoolers often do not meet standards. Preschoolers are busy establishing their independence and are naturally going to test their limits and boundaries.
2. Avoid anger. Rational thinking is needed to discipline fairly and kindly. When we get angry, we think less rationally. The angrier we feel, the less rational we think and behave. When we are angry, we have a tendency to hurt our children emotionally and / or physically. Instead of acting out in anger, take time to calm down. You might say, “I need some time to calm down. When I’m ready, we’ll talk about what just happened.” If the child is angry, wait for him to calm down before discussing the bad behavior.
3. Get rid of power struggles. When I find myself and my son in a power struggle for control, I emotionally withdraw from the power struggle and offer two options. My child maintains some power by being able to choose, and I maintain some control in choosing the options that my child can choose from.
4. Get to the bottom of the matter. Often times, one of my children starts misbehaving to get attention, even if it ends up being negative attention. I need to give them more positive attention before they do something undesirable to get it. Other reasons for misbehavior include being tired, hungry, lonely, or bored. Once I know what my child needs, I can help meet the need and prevent negative behavior.
5. Praise him often. Offer encouragement and praise frequently to build your child’s self-esteem and to shape desirable behavior. Some examples of things to say include, “I bet you are proud of yourself for doing all of this yourself.” or “I like how you remembered to brush your teeth.”
6. Choose battles. I choose my battles. Some battles are not worth it. One battle I don’t mind getting involved in is what my son wears (for example, two different colored socks). I could make a few suggestions on what to wear, but it usually doesn’t matter and they are happy to gain some independence by choosing the outfits themselves.
7. Use natural or parent-created consequences. If my child doesn’t want to wear a coat on a cold day, I’ll say, “Okay. How about I just bring it to you in case you’re cold?” When it’s cold, my son inevitably chooses to wear it. This is an example of a natural consequence. Naturally, when you choose not to wear a coat on a cold day, you get cold. If there is no obvious natural consequence, I make up a consequence. For example, “Only people with clean hands can dine.”
8. Avoid problems that arise. It is a good idea to prevent problems from occurring in the first place. For example, if I don’t want my child to suck on lollipops at home, I don’t keep lollipops at home.
9. Focus on I can do. When I tell my son what he can’t do, I try to explain what he can do.
10. Distract yourself. When my child addresses a problem, I try to divert my child’s attention in another direction.
11. Separate for a while. When my son is not playing well with a friend, I separate them for a while. If my son is getting naughty with me, I say, “I need a break from you. How about you stay in this room for a while and I stay in the other room? When we’ve both calmed down, we can stay.” together in the same room. “
12. Account. Sometimes I count “One, two, three …” to give my son time to comply. For example, if it is time to leave somewhere, you could count to three. If my son refuses to leave the place, I will physically transfer him to the place where we are going.
13. Model. I often use manners with my children and they learn how and when to use them by listening to me. My daughter’s teacher has commented on how polite she is on several occasions.
14. Make a deal. Listen to the other party and make a deal to show that you really care about how your child feels. For example, “I heard you want to read the long book tonight. I’m very tired. How about we read this short book tonight and the long book in the morning?”
15. Use eye contact. Get on the child’s level and talk face-to-face about what is right and right to do. There is nothing like looking directly in the eye to keep both parents and children fair and honest.
16. Teach morals. It is up to us to teach our child what is right and what is wrong. Once your child has learned morals, he will feel inside whether something is right or wrong. We can teach our child to pay attention to gut feelings.
17. Use privileges and rewards. Privileges and treats work well for us. Examples include: “If you don’t brush your teeth right now, we won’t be able to see your friends this morning.” “After putting on your shoes, you can have a snack.” “If you don’t stop yelling, you won’t be able to watch a video tonight.”
18. Apologize. Say, “I’m sorry.” I apologize to my children when I make a mistake. They also apologize. Sometimes I need to step in and ask them to apologize to others when they make a mistake.
19. Show the house rules. Here’s a good poem to put on your fridge: “If you use it, hang it up. If you drop it, pick it up. If you eat it, wash it. If you spill it, clean it. If you turn it on, turn it off. If you open it, close it. . If you move it, put it back. If you break it, fix it. If you empty it, fill it. If it cries, love it. “
20. Time out. If my son is really misbehaving, I say, “We don’t do that. Sit here.” I stand behind my son for a few minutes to make sure he sits in a seat staring at a blank wall. When I think the child is calm and ready to behave better, I say, “He can get up once he is ready to behave.”
Good discipline is one of the ways we show love for our children. We take the time and effort to help them learn and grow to be fair, kind, respectful, and responsible people. They will certainly challenge us, but it is part of the parent’s job. They deserve our best efforts to discipline them well.